dear mum
dont you worry a bowt me im doin ok n evry thin her is fin
i luv u
Jake
~
dad
u always sed don’t get cort well I blew it n her i am . gess its changd abit sins ur day – loads ov corses n stuf 2 do n work evry day 2 .not evn enuf time 2 play cards n brew hooch, ha ha (joke guvnr) . gess the compnys the sam tho – most ov the guys r ok n im doin allrite.
Jake
~
dear mum
well ive got work as a clener . bet u nevr thort ud c me clen up hey, its allrite – betr then b/ing bord . next wk ive got 2 start a cors wiv educashun ha, bet u nevr thort ud c me lern neever .its a lowd ov balls coblrs ov cors, but it kips the screws hapy
don’t u worry a bowt me im doin ok
luv Jake
~
Dear Mum,
Well I’m writing u this letter on my educashun education course. Good innit? They go thru it telling u a bout stuff. Capital Letters n Full Stops n Things. And Spelling. So I can,t tell u anything coz they read it all. (Did u Get That, Miss?)
Jake
~
Benny,
Tell Mum n dad i aint writ 4 a whil coz i been on the blok. Bloody Screw wound me up didn,t he . They r putin me on anover cors now calld En Somethink Skils wich is Screw Speke 4 How to Not Clobr Somewun Wen Ur Mad. Got 2 Play the Game tho innit.
Jake
How is Dale . That Bitch wont let him cum n c me. If u get 2 c him tel him i luv him n i miss him Big Time.
~
Mum
im sending Dale a cd . Don,t tel Stef or she wont let him hav it but he can play it at ur House .Don,t tell him, its a Surpriz, i don it her – these wimmin helped me read him a story. Shood b gd. Tell me if he likes it
luv
Jake
~
Darlin Dale,
Her is a Story wot i read 4 u. u cn listn 2 it wen u go to Bed.
i miss u Big Time
loads ov luv
Daddy
~
Dad,
gess whos her . remember old Simon W? hes got work making cds for kids, i bumpd in 2 him wen i did a story for Dale (does Dale like it.) He sends his hellos and seys he hops he dosnt c u soon – hes got annover 4 yrs (ha ha)
Take car ov urself , u always do.
n let me know if Dale likes my story
Jake
~
Mum,
Bloody Hell – sorry – i hopd hed like it, but nevver thort hed ware the cd player out !!!!! Glad 2 her hes sleeping bettr 2 n not U Know Wot so much . A boy his age shodnt be doin that no more.
Next week i cn go back to Educashun. Simon W (do u remember him) has got a job making these cds n he seys its relly gd. Hard Work but Fun . R u sittin down, yeah i didn,t know those wrds went 2gever eever . But he seys the time gos quik n sometimes u don,t even feel like ur in the Nick. Imagine. Anyhow it must b bettr then clening but u need a level 2 b4 they let u do it , so i gess i mite aswel get a level 2 – after all i got plentyer time eh !!!!!
Tel Dale ill send him annover cd wen i cn . u have 2 wait 3 months tho.
luv u
Jake
~
Benny,
Im glad Stef lets Dale play the cd there now. Gess the Old Bitch didn,t have much choice did she? Tell her Im sending annover 1 v soon, he can pick it up from his nans.
About that ovver thing. U shoodnt lissen 2 dad 2 much u know. I did n look wer it got me. Ha ha.
Jake
~
Dear Mum,
Gess wot what? I got a letter from Dale yestaday! Stef helped him rite it and let him send it. A bloody miracle!
She said it don,t mean anythink but she was fed up with him naggin her. She says he takes that new cd to school and plays it 2 the ovver kids. And gess what? Their Jealous! Of me! Ha ha. Another miracle.
Another gess what 2? I got my level 1 last week. I got a certifikate n all. Not bad 4 ur worthles son Jake, eh? Level 2 here I come!
Loads of luv,
Jake
~
Stef,
Here is a book I made 4 Dale. I made up the story n pictures n everything. It goes with the cd I done 4 him. Don,t worry about it being a bad influence. I took real care with the spelling n everything. He,s got 2 learn it right hasn,t he? And I don,t want him showing me up if he takes it to school innit?
Hows u anyway u old hore (joke). Ive been better but I been worse 2 u know, strange 2 say.
Hope Dale likes the book.
Jake
~
Dale’s Day At the Zoo
Dale woke up very excited on Saturday morning. He was going to the zoo. But even better than that – he was going to meet his Dad there!
“Where’s Dad?” he asked, as soon as they got to the zoo.
“He’s not here yet,” said Mum. “First we’re going to see the Alligators.” So they went to see the 1 Alligator, which snip snap snacked at them.
“Where’s Dad?” Dale asked, as soon as they’d seen the Alligator.
“Here’s not here yet,” said Mum. “Next we’re going to see the Bears.” So they went to see the 1, 2 Bears, which grr graa growled at them.
“Where’s Dad?” Dale asked, as soon as they’d seen the Bears.
“Here’s not here yet,” said Mum. “Next we’re going to see the Camels.” So they went to see the 1, 2, 3 Camels, which hum ha humped at them.
“Where’s Dad?” Dale asked, as soon as they’d seen the Camels.
“Here’s not here yet,” said Mum. “Next we’re going to see the Donkeys.” So they went to see the 1, 2, 3, 4 Donkeys, which eee aahh ored at them.
“Where’s Dad?” Dale asked, as soon as they’d seen the Donkeys.
“Here’s not here yet,” said Mum. “Next we’re going to see the Elephants.” So they went to see the 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Elephants, which trim tram trumpeted at …. someone standing behind them. Dale turned to see who it was – and it was ….
“Dad!” Dale shouted, running into his arms. “I love you!”
“I love you too, Dale,” said Dad, picking him up and swinging him round, and he hug hug hugged him all the way home.
The End
~
Dear Mum,
I know Stef told u not 2 tell me what she said, but Im glad u did. I hadnt seen it like that. I was just sore at the bitch girl for not ‘Standing by her Man’. (Ha ha). I guess she wasnt used to it like u r.
Ive got an interview with the cd team next week. The teachers say Im ready for my level 2 and theres a space coming up coz Joey Ts got a transfer. Ill let u know how it goes.
luv Jake
~
Darling Dale,
I’m dead chufed you like the book and the cd. I’ve got a job now making cds like that for loads of other little boys and girls so there dads can read them bedtime stories to. Its really hard. I have to learn loads of stuff on the computer – Ill be as good as you soon. Ha ha.
I miss you loads. All my love,
Daddy
~
Dad,
I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I know u won’t like it, but did you ever wonder if mum wasn’t too keen on the life you’ve given her?
Anyhow all I mean to say is lay of Benny if he wants to stick with Kylie and do what she says. She sounds like a good girl and god knows hes not likely to pick up many of them – what with having ur ugly mug and all!!!! No harm in him trying anyway is there?
Don’t get mad Dad u know I mean well.
Jake
~
Stef,
Guess what? I’ve got a job now as a Sound Engineer. I’m starting to get the hang of it and the women here say I can do an OCN in it later if I want to and get a qualifikation. Then maybe when I get out I could do some proper training. Maybe even get a job. (Did you just fall over?)
If u ever have the time 2 write u could let me know how Dales getting on. I do miss him u know. He must be getting a big boy now. 5 next month – fancy that!!!
Thinking of u both,
Jake
~
Dear Stef,
Well u could have knocked me down with a feather when I saw u come thru that door. U haven’t changed a bit u know except ur prettier than ever. (I know u thought I was flanelling u, but I want u to know I mean it.) Seeing Dale was like birthday and xmas all at once – 4 me, let alone him!!!!
I know it took u a lot of guts 2 come, and I know it wasn’t easy. So thank u babe. (Don’t worry, I’m not expecting nothing nor trying it on.)
Jake
~
Dear Mum,
Stef’s brought Dale to see me 3 times now. She says u’ve been a real support to her. She said u said I wasn’t as bad as I make out, n I said well thats mums 4 u (!), but I think she listened 2 u a bit 2.
Ur a brick mum.
Luv Jake
~
My darling Dale,
I can’t wait until I can see u outside of here 2 but when I get out I won’t come n live with mummy because she doesn’t it’s complikated. But its not because I don’t love you and don’t mean I won’t see you. I will see you lots. Every weekend and more if she’ll let I can. Maybe I can even take you to the zoo!
Only 100 days to go. Less when you get this letter. You count the days down if you like, backwards like a roket taking off. I can tell you I’m doing it here!
Here’s a picture of the roket for you. Every day u can knock another day off. I done the first 1 for you.
100, 99
loads n loads of love
Daddy
~
Dear Stef,
I understand what ur saying. I’m not saying I’m not disapointed coz its only natural for a man to hope. But I can see how it puts u on the spot …. Hey – I was ennuf trouble last time, innit !!!!….
But guess what? Benny says that Kylie says I can move in with them for a bit, just until I get settled. Hes got a job now in that garage on Banks Street n he says he can’t promise anything but hell see what he can do.
So maybe I could come over sometimes n see Dale – or u could bring him round for a Cup of Tea like (very civilised). When I’m not working of course (ha ha).
Take care babe,
Ur Jake
~
Dear Sir.
I am writing to apply to your course on Sound Engineering, starting this September. I have NVQ levels 1 and 2 in English and Maths and an OCN in Audio Production (certificates enclosed).
I have lots of experience editing cds as my reference explains and I am very motivated. If you give me this chance I promise you won’t regret it.
Yours faithfully,
Jake Mathews
~
Hey Simon,
I hope things r going OK for u and time doesn’t drag 2 slowly. I’ve just started this course at the College. The 1st 2 bastards said No, but u can’t let em grind u down innit? So here I am in try no 3. It’s bloody hard and I feel a bit of a wally in with all these kids, but noones given me a rough time – well, not after I biffed the 1st bugger. (Joke.) Most of the teachers are really nice and patient – and some of the girls r really fit! (Don’t tell Stef I said that.)
Guess what? It looks like me n Stef might be getting back together. She wants to take it slowly, but she still wants to take it, if u know what I mean. Anyhow, Dale is doing allright. He says we see each other more now than when I lived with them!
Say hello to the crowd. Tell them I hope I never see them again. (Not a joke.)
ur friend,
Jake